


Panic Attack

by LittleLeyLine



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Hornets, Hurt/Comfort, Just Friendship, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, featuring the Pig, not romantic - Freeform, post-trk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:07:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7674880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLeyLine/pseuds/LittleLeyLine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam helps Gansey recover from a hornet-sparked panic attack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic Attack

**Author's Note:**

> So Adam's never actually seen Gansey have a panic attack before; he's just heard his voice from the cave of ravens. With all the insects in Henrietta, Gansey was bound to come across a hornet again. Very few people seem to discuss their trauma from these events, so I went with Adam and Gansey and hornets. The world needs more friendship between these two.
> 
> If you guys would like, I might do more chapters involving the recovery/post-TRK healing for all the other characters too.

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks since a demon overtook Cabeswater.

Three weeks since Adam had been possessed.

Three weeks since Ronan had nearly been unmade.

Three weeks since Noah disappeared.

Three weeks since Gansey died.

Everyone was still recovering. Gansey’s alone time had become scarce- not that he minded- because everyone needed constant reassurance that he was there, that he was breathing and alive. Gansey and Blue arranged an alternating sleep schedule, where one night they’d sleep at Monmouth and the next at 300 Fox Way. Repeat. The regular flow of a set schedule was a nice change from the chaos that had enveloped the last few months. 

A week after the fall of everything around them, Ronan moved into the Barns permanently. Adam visited Ronan daily, as did Gansey and Blue. Henry came along more often now, but even he could tell that the four friends needed some time to fix the holes the demon burned into their lives before they could really start adding a new person to their court. 

Today, Gansey was driving Adam from the Barns back to St. Agnes with the windows rolled down, letting the cool breeze break through the sticky heat that had begun to settle over Henrietta. Adam’s Hondoyota worked perfectly fine, and there really was no reason for him to ride with Gansey in this outrageous orange Camaro- other than emitting less exhaust into the air to please Blue’s environmentalist ideals. The real reason the boys rode together today was because they couldn’t stand the thought of making a trip without the other. They had lost Aurora, Persephone, and Noah. They had almost lost each other. Simply having each other there was comfort enough.

Adam relaxed into the passenger seat, letting the air ruffle his hair and press against his face, reminding him that this was real. He tapped his fingers against the dashboard, unsure of what tune they were tapping but knowing that he was in control over it. 

Control was what Adam craved, and when it was ripped from him by the demon, he was shattered. He was helpless. Now, Adam needed an occasional reminder that the demon was no more and he, a self-made man, was back in control.

He glanced over at Gansey, whose pleasant and neutral gaze stayed trained on the road ahead. The wind brushed his brown hair in waves that added to his peaceful demeanor. If Adam hadn’t known any better, he would have assumed that Gansey had not a single worry in his life.

Adam did know better. 

Adam could see the dark circles etching themselves under Gansey’s hazel eyes. The stiff line of his mouth meant that he was thinking thoughts too fast to compound into conversation and preferred not to butcher them in an attempt to voice them. 

To an outsider, Gansey’s recovery would have appeared painless, but Adam, Ronan, Blue, and even Henry had been privy to it full force. Gansey’s insomnia was at an all-time high, his anxiety plaguing him day and night, and his behavior wasn’t… the same. Sometimes, he would drift into a day dreamy stare, looking nowhere in particular, and his eyes would look- well, dead. Adam hated that look. It was so un-Gansey-like. 

Today, however, seemed to be a better day for him. 

“Thank you for the ride,” Adam said as the Camaro rolled up to the St. Agnes parking lot. 

“It’s the least I could do,” Gansey smiled. He unlocked the doors for Adam, and as Adam’s hand rested on the door handle, almost ready to leave, he turned back to say, “Gansey, if you ever-”

Adam stopped.

Gansey’s smile had vanished, and his hands gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles. His previously carefree posture had straightened with stressed, tight tension. His eyes were wide with an expression Adam rarely ever saw displayed on Gansey’s face.

Fear. No, scratch that. Terror. Paralyzing terror. 

“Gansey-” Adam began again, firm and afraid. He followed Gansey’s line of sight to the middle of the dashboard in-between the two, where a yellow and black insect sat and buzzed loudly.

“Hornet,” was all Gansey could choke out, and Adam’s heart panged. That voice, that voice- it was the cave of ravens all over again.

“It must have got in through the windows,” Adam noted pragmatically, but inside he was chaotic. What was he supposed to do? Obviously he had to protect Gansey, but how? One sting, and everything they had worked for would be for nothing. Gansey would be dead, and there would be no sacrifices that could bring him back. Gansey was lucky, not immortal. 

Adam slowly leaned forward, eyes trained on the hornet and not daring to leave it unwatched. He reached for his shoe, tugging it off purposefully and creeping back into an upright position. Gansey hadn’t moved. His hands still gripped the wheel with immovable force, and his eyes hadn’t left the threat sitting inches away from those hands. 

It was so quiet. The wind had stopped. The birds had stopped. Even the rumble of the Camaro’s engine was drowned out by the sheer suspense of the situation. The hornet’s occasional lazy buzzes pierced through the air and stung Adam’s ears. 

Adam lifted the shoe.

Gansey was not breathing.

Adam prepared to strike.

Gansey’s chest didn’t move.

Adam held his breath.

Gansey had been holding his longer.

With the force and noise of a gunshot, Adam smacked the hornet. The moment the shoe pounded the hornet, Gansey gasped, his hands shooting from the steering wheel to cover his ears. Adam pummeled the hornet once- twice- three times before even checking to see if it was dead. It’s disgusting body lay mangled and squashed against the hot black expanse of the dashboard. Adam hit it again. And again. Then rapid fire. All of his tension was channeled into destroying the horrid insect.

Adam spent at least thirty seconds just smacking it before dropping the shoe and leaning back into his seat, panting. “Dead,” he affirmed.

Gansey did not reply. Adam could hear Gansey breathing now, but he almost wished he couldn’t. Gansey’s panic had engulfed him entirely, and each breath was strained and nearly asthmatic. He pulled his legs and feet up and onto the seat, and his hands still covered his ears. His fingers were bent and tense, digging roughly into his hair. Gansey’s chest heaved, and his eyes watered. 

Adam flung himself out of the passenger door and hustled around the front of the Camaro so that he could tear open Gansey’s door and reach his friend. Gansey did not turn to look at Adam and instead kept his eyes on the hornet’s mangled corpse. 

“Gansey, it’s dead. It can’t hurt you. It’s over.” Adam lifted his hand to lay it on Gansey’s shaking shoulder- but hesitated. Images of those hands strangling Ronan flashed through Adam’s mind. _These hands destroy, not heal_ , a voice in Adam’s head warned him. Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _No. Today they heal._

Adam rested his hand on Gansey’s shoulder, and he felt Gansey lean into his touch- slightly. 

“It’s hot,” Gansey whispered, gaze finally flicking to Adam. “It was hot on the day I d-” Gansey’s voice choked, and he shivered despite the heat he was referencing. 

“I can still- I can _still hear it,_ ” he gasped. His voice sounded haunted and fragile. Adam didn’t know how to deal with a panic attack. Adam fixed cars. Adam fixed ley lines. He did not fix kings. It was now that Adam realized he had never actually seen Gansey in one of his panic attacks. The cave of ravens allowed him to only hear Gansey’s voice. Adam had thought that scared, sharp, solitary whisper from the pit was the worst thing he’d ever heard from Gansey. He thought he understood Gansey’s panic attacks. This was new. This was worse.

Gansey prided himself on his wide array of masks he wore around society and his control over which would be worn around who. Gansey the King could calm a crowd with his words. Now Gansey could barely speak. Adam watched two tears race each other down Gansey’s tan cheek. 

Suddenly, Adam wrapped Gansey in a hug, pulling Gansey into him and off of the leather driver’s seat. 

“You are safe,” Adam whispered, clutching Gansey’s turquoise polo shirt. He felt Gansey’s arms loosen and his hands drop from his ears. 

“You are safe.” Gansey leaned heavily into Adam and took two deep, shaky breaths. A minute passed.

Adam slowly let go of Gansey so that he could look into his eyes. Gansey gave Adam a grateful smile and took a final deep breath, letting his feet drop back down to the floor of the Camaro. 

“I am safe,” Gansey echoed, softly placing a hand over his racing heart. Then, he turned sheepishly to Adam and added, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“What?” Adam pulled back. “You don’t have to apologize for having a panic attack. You were killed by hornets, Gansey. You have the right to be afraid of them.”

“But now I’ve worried you, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it,” Gansey replied, delicately shifting so that he could exit the car. He stood and brushed off his clothes as if to smooth away the wrinkles of worry that folded his confidence away. 

“You shouldn’t worry about me worrying about you.” Adam pushed Gansey out of the way and, using a napkin he grabbed from the glovebox, scraped away the remnants of the hornet and chucked the napkin and bug into the woods next to the parking lot.

“It’s my job. Friends worry about their friends and do what they can to help. What did you want me to do? Sit idly by and let you freak out?”

“I-”

“Listen to me, Gansey.” Adam’s Henrietta accent was back, but Adam didn’t care. He had nothing to hide from Gansey- from the world- anymore. He was Adam Parrish, army of one, trailer park child, magician- and everyone else had to deal with it. “We are all shaken up right now. From Persephone’s death to Cabeswater’s destruction to Ronan’s unmaking, we’ve seen enough sorrow to last a lifetime. You died, Gansey. You’ve died twice. That comes with emotional consequences, and we are going to deal with them together. Suffering in silence does nobody any good.”

Gansey’s mouth hung open, as if he wanted to refute Adam’s point but found he could not. Then, he pulled Adam into a soft hug. He didn’t say anything, but with Gansey’s temperamental word usage (ranging from insultingly ignorant to bewilderingly magical), it was probably better that he didn’t.

Adam sighed, reached behind Gansey, and shut the Camaro’s door with a sense of finality. “Lock up the Pig and come inside for a glass of water, will you?”

Gansey let out a small laugh and did as he was told. He was lucky to be alive. He was lucky to have the friends he did. He was eager to be lucky enough to have that glass of water.


End file.
